Induction Day 3

>So, we checked in Thursday night and got Cervidil, which dilated me to 2 and caused me to have a bloody show.

Got Pitocin at 11 am yesterday. Got the max dose in just a few hours. Didn't start having regular contractions until 3:30.

Got checked again at 5...no change.

So, then, at 7:30, they placed a Foley cath into my cervix to try to dilate it that way...with the result being, it would pop out on it's own at 3 or 4 cm. Well, no sooner did they get it in (excrutiating by the way), then it popped right back out when they attempted to put the tension on it (also excrutiating). Put it this way, the Foley balloon is definitely something I can check off my bucket list of top 5 most excruciating things to do before I die.

Without another check, they assumed I was 3 and started slowly giving me Pitocin through the night. Had more contractions through my Ambien-induced sleep.

Went to the bathroom and have been bleeding ever since the Foley cath. Came back, and the nurse checked me. My cervix is still high and thick, but soft. 50 % effaced, 3 cm outside, 1 and a half cm on the inside. No real change to report.

So, right now, we're still pitting slowly. They are going to jump back into things at 6 this morning. Hoping the Pitocin works. They are going to discuss putting a pin sized hole in my amniotic sac to release fluid slowly later today. I have polyhydramnios, so he keeps floating back up when they feel his head. They don't want to actually rupture my membranes because they worry about the cord prolapsing. So, they are thinking of doing a small hole to relieve some pressure, causing his head to come down and connect with my cervix....because right now, my uterus is doing all the work....poorly.

The good news is my doc even said, when I asked what he thought about a CS, "It would be a shame to do a c-section on a second-time mom who has proven herself through a previous successful vaginal delivery." So, I am really happy about that. That being said, if there is still zero progress by this evening, they are probably going to discuss the possibility.

I'm hoping it won't come to that. I'm praying things go really well today. This is the difference between inducing at 37 weeks and letting nature take it's course. Let this be a fair warning to all of you who think you want to be induced early...don't do it. I'm only doing it because it's medically necessary. If it doesn't work, you're stuck in the hospital until they either do a C-section or for a couple of days (laboring) until it does work. Seeing your baby sooner than it should get here is just not worth this....except in the cases of medical necessity. Be patient, go for a walk, have sex and enjoy the last few weeks/days until your LO arrives.  Everything happens in it's own time. :)

So, here I am at 4 am....wide awake...slightly discouraged...SOOOOOO over this whole ordeal. Praying for a miracle today. Please, pray with me and for me. I need my little boy to get here, safely...and be healthy. I miss my little girl. I haven't seen her in over 24 hours. L&D doesn't allow children under 10 here...she is allowed in the postpartum ward after I give birth.

Good luck to everyone today!

Induction Today

Got my Cervidil last night after being admitted.  They will be removing it at 9:40 this morning.  Then, I get to shower and get cleaned up before they start the Pitocin at 10:40.  I'm excited and nervous.  Been having a few contractions this morning, but nothing major.  Definitely ready to get clean up...before cleaning up again tonight after James is born.  :)

Just praying for a safe delivery and healthy baby.  :)  It's been awesome here at the hospital.  My nurses are amazing.  I love my midwife.  The doc should be checking in on things at some point. So ready to get this part over.  :)

Induction Scheduled

Well, had my appointment today.  James was awesome on the NST and the ultrasound.  He is doing beautifully! I got diagnosed with polyhydramnios by the actual doc today.  My levels have gone up to 24 cm instead of going down.  They are now concerned about my water breaking before his head is engaged, which could result in the cord slipping through the cervix.  One more thing to be concerned about.  Good news, though - he's head down!  Let's hope he stays that way.

I am set for induction on December 2!  I have an appointment at 7:30 am on Thursday to check my cervix again.  Right now, I'm 1 full cm dilated, and my cervix is soft.  So, maybe with some walking and such, my cervix should dilate some more.  If not, they are going to admit me to L&D on Thursday for Cervadil to dilate me some more, and then give me Pitocin on Friday to bring on contractions.  Our little boy should be here this weekend!  Praying for everything to go smoothly, and for him to be healthy and breathing on his own.

Mom's coming on Wednesday to watch Ella for us.  I'm certainly thankful to have her.  :)

I'll Take the Pregnancy With a Side of Stress, Please

Had my ultrasound, NST and group B strep test this morning.  James is now transverse...hopefully that means he's turning.  He also is measuring about 6 lbs, 15 oz.  He didn't want to wake up for the NST, so the OB referred me to L&D for a repeat NST after lunch.  Apparently, they also do GBS tests differently at this office.  Instead of swiping the swab up and down the nether parts, she stuck them in places they weren't meant to go.  Joy.  It was not a pleasant experience....along with that, she decided to pick at my brain through my cervix again.  1 cm and very thick, by the way.

Jay, doc and I had an honest discussion about cholestasis and early induction.  She's all for inducing on December 2.  I'll be 37 weeks, 2 days.  On top of that, I have to leave from Mom's earlier than planned this weekend just so I can go back to L&D for a repeat NST.  I now have to have them twice a week until I'm induced.  Also, I get another ultrasound on Monday...along with yet another NST.  If he is still sideways or breech, they will be scheduling a version and an induction for Friday, December 2...or so that was the game plan when I left the office.

After eating lunch and going to L&D, spoke with another OB in the practice.  He agreed with the whole game plan but wanted to speak with a doctor at ECU (East Carolina University) for more information regarding bile salt levels and early induction.  The doc at ECU said he doesn't go by the bile salt levels because they aren't really indicative of anything.  He performs an amniocentesis at 37 weeks, and if the lungs are mature, then he induces.  Oh, and Urso is crap...apparently, it doesn't lower the bile salt levels, but it's supposed to reduce the itch.  Great.  So, now, I have to discuss the amniocentesis with the doc on Monday when I go in for my appointment.

I haven't been home since about 9 this morning.  Jay took Ella with him to work after my appointment because they don't allow children under 12 in L&D.  She barely got a nap today.  He told me she fell asleep in the car on the way to his work, and he even got her into the stroller asleep....but, OF COURSE, a Howitzer went off, and the loud blast woke her up...about 30-45 minutes into her nap.  Hoping she hasn't been a complete butthead.

As if all of that wasn't bad enough, I got pulled over on the way home...for expired registration...on Jay's vehicle.  Thankfully, the police officer was really nice.  He cited me and let me go.  Told me to get Jay to get the registration taken care of, and if I go to court on January 13, the ticket would be dismissed.  Yay.

If I wasn't pregnant, I think I would deserve an adult beverage right about now.

Starting to Feel Better

So after being on Ursodiol since Wednesday night, I'm finally starting to feel a bit of a difference with my itching.  It's still pretty intense in the morning and at night...and when I get stressed out...but at least I'm getting some relief during the day.  Baby steps, right?

We go in the morning for our ultrasound, NST, Group B Strep test, and our consultation with the OB.  Thankfully, Jay is going with me, and the OB who originally told me that they would induce before 39 weeks is one of the 2 available tomorrow.  The other is a gentleman whom I have never met.  I'm hoping the OB will override the decision to induce at 39 weeks.  I think I'm almost supposed to have bloodwork done tomorrow to see if my bile salt and LFT levels are coming down.  We shall see.  I'm sure they are.  They have to be.

Had a rude awakening this morning.  After Ella came to sleep with us at 2 this morning, she woke up dry heaving and crying at 6 this morning.  Got her to our bathroom, but she just dry heaved a couple more times and then calmed down.  Not sure what happened.  Guess she got my tendency to get really sick when she gets hot.  Once she calmed down and cooled off, she slept just as calmly as can be until about 7 this morning. She seems to be doing well today and has been in a really great mood all day.  So, hopefully, whatever it was, is over.  I felt so bad for her.  :(

Anyway.  Looking forward to our little man getting here.  Hoping they will still allow us to have a December date for our induction.  Mainly because I don't want to be induced this coming week.  I want to enjoy my Thanksgiving with Mom, Doug and the rest of the family.  Plus, I don't want James's birthday to be anywhere near Thanksgiving.  December 1 would even work.  lol

It Finally Happened...

I had a major meltdown in the tub last night as I was having a heart to heart with James.  All this itching, the lack of sleep, and the possibility of losing my son due to this cholestasis has gotten to me.  I broke down and just sobbed last night.  I don't want to admit it, but I am scared.  I'm trying to be strong and hold it all together, but it's not working.

I have people making me feel like a horrible Christian because I'm not trusting in God to cure me or to take care of things, which isn't entirely true.  I do trust God, but I also believe He gave us doctors to help us.  So, I'm also trusting my doctors to take care of my son and me...though I don't completely agree with them about the course of action to induce at 39 weeks.  I printed out a lot of medical journals yesterday, which all say how critical it is to induce by 38 weeks to reduce the risk of complications associated with this condition.

I just need to get through the weekend and talk to another OB in the practice on Monday.  Thankfully, Jay will be with me, and he agrees with me that the risks of delivering early do not outweigh the risks of waiting until 39 weeks to deliver with this condition.

Sorry for the vent.  I just don't understand how a perfectly normal pregnancy could become high-risk just like that.  Oh, well.  Just have to take it one day at a time.

I am the 1%...

...of pregnant women who develop Intrahepatic Cholestasis of Pregnancy.

It's a mouthful.  Basically, my body isn't clearing out the bile my liver is producing, which means it's being stored under my skin...causing intense and severe itching.

Got a call from my OB office today and was asked to come in because my lab results from Monday were "concerning."  So, I went in and was told my LFT's (liver function tests) were normal, but my bile salts were elevated.  On November 4, my bile salt levels were about 9.  On Monday, they were 34.  They have almost quadrupled in 2 weeks.  So, my body is storing bile instead of processing and flushing it.  The normal range is like 4-26.  So, it's up.  They prescribed me Urso-something or other, which will help flush the bile from my body...and hopefully turn me from a human scratching post back into a normal pregnant lady.  Also, they will be inducing me at 39 weeks, which concerns me.

On November 4, one of the other OB's told me that if I do have cholestasis, they will be inducing me at 37-38 weeks, which is the recommended time frame for delivery when cholestasis is involved.  Delivery after this time increases the risk of the baby passing meconium in utero, fetal stress, meconium inhalation and stillbirth.  Now, this doctor is telling me 39 weeks because anything before that increases the risk of jaundice and poor latch.  Somehow, that doesn't seem nearly as severe, in my opinion, as say...fetal death.

I'm scared and nervous.  Oh, on top of that, I get to have weekly NST's to make sure James is doing well.  So, this coming Monday, I have an ultrasound, NST and a group B strep test.  Just a fun filled morning for sure.

Also, I'm really irritated because my dad threw his 2 cents in and basically called me a hypochondriac.  He said I shouldn't listen to the doctors because nothing is wrong with me...it's all in my head.  He's been saying that for years.  Yes, I am a hypochondriac.  I go to doctors and seek how medications that will make me crap myself silly for the next month because it's so much fun...not because this is extremely dangerous for the baby, and I'm trying to do what's best for my baby.  God may heal, but He also gave us intelligence to become doctors...so, I'm trusting the doctors.  Besides, test results don't lie.

I'm just so frustrated.  I cried on the way home because I've been so stressed today.  My BP was 140/86 today.  It was 120-something/70-something on Monday.  So, all this itching and lack of sleep has caused my BP to go up.  I really just need a vacation....and I need for this baby to hurry up and get here...before 39 weeks.

Measuring Big For Date

I was 34 weeks and 5 days along yesterday.  Went to my OB appointment for a routine check up.  After sitting half-naked under one of those paper "blankets," aka tablecloths, for what seemed like an hour, I finally saw the midwife.  After going over my birthplan and telling me to scrap it and leave it at home....to avoid ticking off the nurses at the hospital...she listened to James's heartbeat and measured my fundal height.  She looks at me and asks, "Have you been measuring big all along?"  She didn't have my history in front of her.  The office recently switched to an electronic system, and she forgot to bring in her laptop.  Since they haven't said anything about me measuring big and haven't told me my fundal height...I figured I wasn't having any problems.  So, she scheduled me for an ultrasound on Monday after telling me that I was measuring 38 weeks.  Only a smidge ahead......note the hint of sarcasm.  Also, I had a round of bloodwork....again...to determine what could be causing this intense itching I've been having for a week now.  Hoping we'll FINALLY get some sort of results back that can pinpoint the the cause, and we can deal with it from there.

Adding to that, I had a dental appointment yesterday morning and learned I would need my wisdom teeth removed after James is born due to cavities.  Yay.  They are sending me to an oral surgeon, and my insurance doesn't cover anesthesia when the wisdom teeth are above the gumline.  Joy of joy....not to mention they only cover 50% of the procedure, and they only cover $1200 in a fiscal year.  Hoping the fiscal year ends right after my wisdom teeth are removed so I can get these fillings done...and my 6-month cleaning done.  Tired of having dental setbacks.  I finally have time to get my teeth taken care of without fear of losing my job....and now insurance is a problem.  Go figure.

Oh, well.  Jay returned to work today, and the munchkin and I are headed to the commissary for grocery shopping. Hoping not to spend a fortune, but we always seem to.  I still have some stuff I have to get for myself before James comes, and we've been putting it off and putting it off.....and I'm getting really frustrated. So ready for this baby to get here so life can begin to normalize again.  :)

On a good note, I get to see Mom for Thanksgiving!!  :)  We're making the trip to the beach to spend Thanksgiving with her, my stepdad, some family and friends.  :)  Hoping James holds out another couple of weeks!

Oh Dear God! What Did I Do?

Last night...or early this morning...I heard Ella crying on the monitor. I knew she was 2 seconds away from getting up and coming into our room, so I listened for the patter patter patter of her trotting down the hall. What I heard instead was a loud THUD and her screaming. I quickly jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway, where I ran full on into Ella coming out of her bedroom. Since I couldn't stop on a dime, I had to contort myself to keep from toppling over on her while keeping her from toppling over and pulling me down.

I didn't really notice it at first, but within a few seconds, I noticed this searing, tearing pain right at my pubic bone. I had some soreness there a few weeks back, but it went away. So, I didn't get any sleep. I couldn't get comfortable because my crotch felt like it was being ripped in two every time I moved...then, I had to stumble/hobble to the bathroom 3 times to go pee. My poor pubic bone. It feels like someone is trying to tear it out of my body, now.

I have to somehow remember I'm pregnant. You'd think that after 34 and a half weeks, I'd be aware of this fact by now....but I forget sometimes. Is it December yet? I'm so ready to have my coordination back.

Well It Just Hit Me...

We're having another baby in a few short weeks.  Yup.  Been pregnant for 34 weeks, and yet it only just really hit me what that will entail...again.

In just 3 short weeks, I will be term.  If James follows the same track his sister followed, he'll be here in just 4 weeks.  If he comes when the doctors believe he will, he'll be here in about 5 weeks.  My due date is in 6 weeks.  I am so unprepared.

My nursery isn't complete.  Still waiting on some of the decorations and such.  Mentally, I'm unprepared for this. Not that I don't want to see my son and everything, but I just can't believe it's almost that time already.  I have 40-gazillion questions running through my head.  Most of which consist of how Ella is going to handle everything.  How am I going to be able to handle being away from my little girl for at least 2 nights in the hospital?  How is she going to take to having a little brother?  Is she going to change from being my sweet little munchkin who loves to cuddle with Mommy?

I know all of this is normal, but I feel like a bad person sometimes for thinking it.  This pregnancy has just gone by so fast that I really haven't had time to think about it and appreciate it like I did with Ella.  With her, I rubbed my belly and talked to her all the time.  This time, I barely even give my belly a second thought...unless it's itchy...or James is kicking the crap out of me...or there is a problem.

Oh, well.  I guess I'll just have to get used to the whole idea pretty quickly.  I'm definitely looking forward to seeing my little man and having my body back to myself.  I'm just having some anxiety about the whole situation.

I think what makes it so bad is that I really don't have anyone to talk to who had their kids relatively close together...in recent times.  Even my mom had my brother and me almost 13 years apart.  My oldest sister is almost 7 years younger than me. Most of my friends had their kids spread out.  Ella will be 22 months old when James is born.

I guess my most difficult thing to process is that I wish I had more time with Ella before James gets here.  I wish I could have seen her grow up a little more.  However, Jay and I met and got married in our late 20's, and I want to have all our childbearing out of the way before I turn 35 because I don't want to worry about the medical complications that tend to come at that age.  So, we had our kids closer together.

All I know is that IF we decide to have a 3rd child, it will be when Ella and James are a couple of years older.  James will have to be 2 BEFORE we even consider trying again.  I just am not sure I can do this whole pregnancy thing again.  Too much anxiety, and way too taxing when you're chasing a toddler around.

Not to mention the fact that Jay found out he's probably getting deployed next fall.  So, I'm going to be here with an almost 3 year old, an almost 1 year old, 2 dogs and a cat for 7 months by myself.  I don't blame him.  He can't do anything about it.  It's just really hard to process right now.  Jay's going to miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, James's first birthday, Ella's birthday and our anniversary.  Kind of sucks.  Oh, well.  Not a whole lot I can do about it, and I'm trying not to think about it.  At least he'll be on a ship for 7 months and out of harm's way for the most part.  This will be our first deployment.  We've been together 4 years now.  Craziness.

Anyway.  Sorry for the long vent post today.  Just having one of those days.  :)

Happy End of Daylight Savings...

Here's to limited sleep with a toddler!  Jay and I decided to stay up last night watching "The Walking Dead" series on Netflix.  I hate zombie shows...or horror shows in general.  He, on the other hand, loves them.  So, I told him that as long as he played in my hair thoroughly, he can watch whatever he wants.  SO, we watched it until about midnight.  Of course, I couldn't sleep after that because I was afraid zombies would invade my pregnancy dreams.  So, we watched "Something Borrowed" on the computer in bed until 2 this morning.  Totally regretting that decision, but hey...no zombie dreams!  :)  Of course, my sweet little angel woke up an hour earlier this morning...well, on time to her, but an hour early due to the time change.  Needless to say I'm exhausted.  Jay was so sweet to take care of Ella this morning so I could sleep in.  :)

I am hoping I won't have to make a trip to L&D today, though.  Started having some infrequent, uncomfortable contractions last night, accompanied by menstrual-like cramping.  I had about 4 of them in an hour at one point.  Changed my position and hydrated, but they didn't stop.  They eventually stopped on their own, thank goodness.  I had a couple this morning, but they were more Braxton Hicks than what I experienced last night.  Probably need to start drinking my jug o' water to keep them at bay.

Anyway.  It's laundry time.  I'll be glad to get it done and out of the way.  :)

Can I have a do over, please?

Remember how I said I was going to get all this stuff done today before my mom came?  Yeah....that didn't happen.

The dogs kept me up most of the night chewing their butts and licking themselves.  We even drugged them with Benedryl, but it didn't help.  Plus, I was sweating to death and burning up.  The joys of being pregnant.  You are the human inferno.

This morning, after going to the bathroom, I noticed some of my mucus plug coming out.  So, I called the doctor's office and basically begged to keep my appointment for 10 am tomorrow instead of coming in....but of course, I had to go in to be checked. "Just come on in.  It's not busy, so it won't take long."  Yeah...

I get there at 10:30ish, but I didn't get to leave until about 12:45 because they converted to an electronic system, and the system was all messed up.  I was expecting Mom to arrive around 12:30.  Go figure.

Anyway.  I haven't gained any weight in 2 weeks.  YAY for me.  :)  They weren't concerned about that, and neither am I.  James is doing well.  Moving quite nicely.  He's still breech.  They aren't going to worry about it until 36 weeks.  If he's still breech, then they will attempt a version.  I am praying for no C-Section.  I do NOT want a CS at all if I can help it.

They checked me, and it was the worst cervical check I have ever experienced in my life.  It felt like the doc was trying to poke my brain through my cervix.  She said I was dilated 1 cm on the outside, but the inside of my cervix was nice and closed.  So, that's good.  Pelvic rest until 34 weeks, but everything looks good.  They said the dilation is normal for being a second-time mom.

Of course, the whole time I'm there, Ella was screaming and being a butt.  I gave her some ibuprofen when we got home.  I think she's still teething.  Mom was here, of course.  She was sweet enough to wash the dishes and fold Ella's clothes for me.  I made a pork roast for dinner, which was absolutely delicious!!!  Soooooooooo tender and yummy!!  Even made some banana nut bread for dessert, and it was everything I hoped it would be.  :)

I'm going to go make a carrot cake for my grandmother, now.  Jay i about to bathe Ella, and we're just going to relax.  So glad to have my mom here for the rest of the week.  :)

What a Day...

Ella woke up an hour early this morning and didn't want to go back to sleep.  Yay for me.  I'm exhausted.  Not only that, but I went to take her to do some shopping this morning.  She was fine through Michael's, but then we went to Walmart.

The parking situation royally sucked.  I was waiting on the ONE available space to open up because someone was backing out.  This older lady was in the parking space behind them...already had her car parked...saw me waiting on the parking spot.  Of course, as I get ready to pull in, she pulls straight through into the spot.  Then, when I glare at her, she give ME the stink eye!  What the heck?!  So, I try to pull around to get her former spot, but of course, someone already got that one.  Thankfully, I found one right next to the cart return.

Get inside with Ella, and she fights me about getting into the cart.  I won.  We get inside, and I'm trying to find the craft center, which is apparently non-existent in this store.  We go past a display with ridiculously priced Elmo toys, and she starts screaming her head off for "MELMO!!!!!!!!!!"  I told her that she couldn't have one, and maybe Grammy would get her one for Christmas, or Santa might bring her one.  So, this is when the fun begins.  She screams the whole way through the store as I'm trying to do grocery shopping.  I became THAT parent.  The one with the screaming toddler who is apologizing to every patron along the way because my kid is ruining their peaceful morning.  Everything ticked her off, too.  She got mad when she dropped the coupons.  She got mad when I put the coupons in my pocket.  She got mad when I wouldn't let her eat my keys.

Then, we get to the register and get everything rung up.  Of course, she grabs one of the bags, and the large tub of yogurt rolls out and bursts on the floor in front of the register.  The cashier was really sweet and took it off my bill...then calls for clean up.  She looked at me and was like, "I don't know how you're not a sobbing wreck right now.  I know I was during my pregnancy."  I had to just smile at her because I seriously was on the verge of tears.  She was so sweet, though.

Finally, get in the car, and Ella begins to pitch a conniption fit because I had to buckle her into the carseat, and she had dropped her flippin' giraffe on the floor of the car.  I finally gave it to her after getting her buckled in.  We stop and grab a light lunch by this point, and then I stop for gas.  She of course passes out in her carseat at the gas station.

I get a peaceful 20 minute drive home and go to put her into her bed.  I noticed her jeans felt wet, so I tried to change her without her waking up.  M-I-S-T-A-K-E!!!!!  She woke up...and her diaper was practically dry. She wouldn't go back to sleep, either.  I finally let her help me put groceries away and watch half an episode of Sesame Street.  Then, at 3, I went to lay her back down.  I laid down with her, and she finally conked out at 3:30.

Of course, I had to wake her up around 5 because I didn't want her to not sleep tonight.  She was already half awake when I went in there.  She woke up and snuggled with me in the recliner for a few minutes before getting down to play.  I even gave her a Clementine for a snack and put her in her high chair to color with markers while I fixed dinner.  Yet another mistake.  She got made everytime I went to change out her markers for other colors...then, she pitched a fit when they fell on the floor...or when she filled up a page with colors.  I was so glad when Jay, my husband, got home.  Thankfully, dinner was ready....except for the baked potatoes.  For some reason, they were still not done after cooking in the oven for over an hour.  Go figure.

During dinner, the trick-or-treaters came, which wasn't bad.  It wasn't a problem until we got Ella cleaned up, and she was running around.  Then, she ran outside and tried to take the candy from the other kids' buckets.  That's my kid...the petty thief.  So, we tried to keep her inside, and she got mad.  Threw another fit.  Screamed her head off.  I made the joke that we did dress up for Halloween.  Ella was a bad baby.  I was a frazzled mom, and Jay was a Marine who just got off work.  :)

Needless to say, we bathed her early and got her down for bed on time tonight.  She pretty much went right out.

It doesn't help that I was so stressed today that I started having pain and contractions.  Nothing regular...just stress probably.  I am so exhausted from the emotions today.  I was supposed to get the house cleaned today because my mom is coming for a visit tomorrow...it didn't happen.  So, I'll probably be rushing in the morning to clean the bathrooms, wash Ella's sheets and get the kitchen cleaned.  Thankfully, there isn't much left to do.  Just some small odds and ends.  I just pray for a a restful night's sleep tonight.  I really need it.

We Are Those Parents...

So, my darling daughter, Ella, has had this one stuffed animal since she was born.  Grammy bought it for her before she was born.  Anywhere Ella goes, "Raffy" goes with her...until today.  Raffy is a hard to find, Webkinz giraffe.  See below.  She sleeps with Raffy, rubs her nose with his tail, carries him everywhere...even to the breakfast table.  When she dances, she moves his head back and forth to make him "dance," too.  He's her lovey.



Today - my wonderful hubby and I have to go to Mailboxes Etc. to have some forms notarized because we refinanced our car for  lower rate. Yay us.  Apparently, in the 5 minutes it took us to walk from the car, to the store, get the forms notarized and get back to the car, Ella dropped Raffy.  We searched the entire parking lot, under cars, in trashcans...even asked the different stores in the strip if they have seen him.  Meanwhile, Ella is lamenting the loss of Raffy by wailing and crying in her carseat, "Waaaa-ffeeee!!!"

We searched EVERYWHERE trying to find Raffy because my sweet little girl cannot sleep without him.  She has her blankie, and thank God Blankie didn't get lost, too.  However, the only 2 items she has with her AT ALL TIMES are Blankie and Raffy.

We eventually heave a huge sigh of guilt, sadness and frustration and give up.  Someone has apparently taken Raffy home....not sure why, but they did.  We drove to Cracker Barrel, since we know they sell Webkinz stuffed animals and pray they might have a Raffy in stock.  They did not...however, they had ONE Webkinz giraffe for $25.  Totally not the same, but we get it anyway and pray Ella might like it.  She did at first.  Then, when she got settled in her carseat, she threw Raffy Redux on the floor and began wailing and crying for Raffy again.  She fell asleep 20 minutes into the 30 minute ride home after wailing and lamenting the loss of Raffy the whole time.  I don't think my heart has ever been so broken for her.  I cried and cried and cried....and then cried some more.  Especially when I put her in her bed.  She sat up in a sleepy daze looking for Raffy again and crying.  I put Bear in her arms and laid her down.  She drifted right back off to sleep.

While she's been napping, my sweet husband, who is totally wrapped up in his little girl, has been scouring the web for a new, identical Raffy.  He found Raffy online, but of course, we can't just order it online from the manufacturer.  Noooooooo....we have to call every retailer around us to see if maybe, just maybe, they have a Raffy in stock.  No such luck.  We called all 10 retailers, and no one has one.  One place, a country store right up the road from where we live, said they were putting in an order soon and would call me back this evening.  Hopefully, they might order a new Raffy for me so we can buy it and be done....and so, we've become THOSE parents.  The ones that will go to the ends of the Earth to replace the lost stuffed animal...even if it's almost irreplaceable.

If we go to these extremes now, I can't imagine what's going to happen when our furbabies pass on...or her goldfish sails the great Kohler Sea.  For those of you unfamiliar, Kohler is a brand of toilet.  SMH

If anyone by chance knows where we can find this hard-to-find stuffed animal without spending a small fortune, please let me know.  My brain hurts after all of this.