I had a major meltdown in the tub last night as I was having a heart to heart with James. All this itching, the lack of sleep, and the possibility of losing my son due to this cholestasis has gotten to me. I broke down and just sobbed last night. I don't want to admit it, but I am scared. I'm trying to be strong and hold it all together, but it's not working.
I have people making me feel like a horrible Christian because I'm not trusting in God to cure me or to take care of things, which isn't entirely true. I do trust God, but I also believe He gave us doctors to help us. So, I'm also trusting my doctors to take care of my son and me...though I don't completely agree with them about the course of action to induce at 39 weeks. I printed out a lot of medical journals yesterday, which all say how critical it is to induce by 38 weeks to reduce the risk of complications associated with this condition.
I just need to get through the weekend and talk to another OB in the practice on Monday. Thankfully, Jay will be with me, and he agrees with me that the risks of delivering early do not outweigh the risks of waiting until 39 weeks to deliver with this condition.
Sorry for the vent. I just don't understand how a perfectly normal pregnancy could become high-risk just like that. Oh, well. Just have to take it one day at a time.
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