Day 3 Down...a whole lot more to go.

Well, today is over. Thank goodness. I am so happy to have been able to talk to Jay more on Facebook today. It is nice to get to chat. After the amazing 30-minute phone conversation yesterday, I feel like I can get through this. It is so amazing to be able to communicate with him again. I think I can finally get around to doing housework again instead of moping around the house. With that said, I have painting I want to start. Since we're taking up the carpet, I'm not really worried about getting paint on the carp. Makes it easier. Just have to figure out what color I want and go with it. Waiting on my flooring samples to come in so I can decide which one I want for our new floors. Thankfully, already found the rug we wanted. Hoping it works as well with the new floors as it did with the old one. Thinking about talking to my OB about help with my anxiety and sleep issues since Jay's been gone if it doesn't get better. I just can't sleep. I have been running on 5 hours of sleep these past 2 days. I can't seem to go to sleep until almost 2 am, and then I wake up at like 7. It kind of sucks. You know, I do whine a bit about this deployment. I get that. However, I am very in love with my wonderful husband. I am so blessed to have him by my side as my mate, best friend, husband, and father of my children. I promised "for better or for worse." So, I'm going to do my very best to get through this without making it difficult for my husband. I love that man with all my heart. This is just a temporary situation. Sucky, crappy, temporary situation. Hope everyone else has a great day. I plan on taking some Benedryl for my itching. Praying it's not the beginning of Cholestasis again. Maybe it will help me sleep.

Deployment Sucks

Jay left yesterday for his 8-12 month deployment to Afghanistan. I never thought it would be so hard to let him go. I truly feel as if I have been torn in half. I barely slept last night. I stayed up until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Then, I woke up only 5 and a half hours later...well before the kids did.

Ella keeps asking for her daddy. Wondering when he's coming home. Asking if he'll be home soon. I can't answer her without crying. She keeps playing the book he recorded for her...and her Daddy Doll. Hearing his voice is so painful, and yet, I don't want to stop hearing it.

The hardest part is the lack of communication and information. Any other time he has been gone, we were able to talk every night. I got about 10 minutes on FB with him last night before he had to board his flight. Praying he is safe and well.

I just miss him so much. I haven't been able to stop crying. I feel like a horrible mother since I can't hold it together for my kids. The pregnancy hormones make it that much worse.

Praying this pregnancy flies by so can see him again for a couple of weeks.

Now...where is my Tylenol for this stress/exhaustion/dehydration headache?

Evil Kitty - Free to Good Home

OMG! I just walked past my daughter's bedroom and smelled a strong odor of cat pee. Since her room is across from where his litterbox is located, I thought it was the box...until I found a pile of cat poop on her bed, and a GIGANTIC WET SPOT in the middle of the bed under the covers. Now, she has not even messed with the cat this morning. So, the asshole decided to pee on her bed for no reason! He's been humping the little dog lately, even though they are both neutered. I have no clue what's going on, but I am beyond livid. Thankfully, the pee didn't go further than the washable items. So, I sprayed everything down with Nature's Miracle and tossed them in the wash on the "Whitest whites" cycle. It washes twice with hot water and rinses 3 times. Praying it can be salvaged. He's NEVER done this before. Ever!!! I know it's a bit drastic, but if this is how he's going to be, then he can go live elsewhere. We've been super good to that cat in the 5 years we've had him, and he's been good to us for the most part. I just don't understand why he did this. And it's not like a UTI. He hasn't had any symptoms of that except this. He's never pee outside of his litterbox or anything. I am so upset right now. He's the first pet we got together. I don't want to get rid of him, but if he is going to act like this, I don't want him around.

Other than that, I'm just planning the menu for Jay's going away party in January. Going to make some dips, stuff for small sandwiches, cookies, brownies, and a cake. :) Fun times. Just wish it was for a homecoming party and not a going away party. Definitely going to miss him. Hoping the 8 months he'll be gone will fly by.

Ugh. Waiting on the sheets to get done so I can survey the damage and determine if we need new sheets for my daughter's bed. Yippee.

Well It Just Hit Me...

We're having another baby in a few short weeks.  Yup.  Been pregnant for 34 weeks, and yet it only just really hit me what that will entail...again.

In just 3 short weeks, I will be term.  If James follows the same track his sister followed, he'll be here in just 4 weeks.  If he comes when the doctors believe he will, he'll be here in about 5 weeks.  My due date is in 6 weeks.  I am so unprepared.

My nursery isn't complete.  Still waiting on some of the decorations and such.  Mentally, I'm unprepared for this. Not that I don't want to see my son and everything, but I just can't believe it's almost that time already.  I have 40-gazillion questions running through my head.  Most of which consist of how Ella is going to handle everything.  How am I going to be able to handle being away from my little girl for at least 2 nights in the hospital?  How is she going to take to having a little brother?  Is she going to change from being my sweet little munchkin who loves to cuddle with Mommy?

I know all of this is normal, but I feel like a bad person sometimes for thinking it.  This pregnancy has just gone by so fast that I really haven't had time to think about it and appreciate it like I did with Ella.  With her, I rubbed my belly and talked to her all the time.  This time, I barely even give my belly a second thought...unless it's itchy...or James is kicking the crap out of me...or there is a problem.

Oh, well.  I guess I'll just have to get used to the whole idea pretty quickly.  I'm definitely looking forward to seeing my little man and having my body back to myself.  I'm just having some anxiety about the whole situation.

I think what makes it so bad is that I really don't have anyone to talk to who had their kids relatively close together...in recent times.  Even my mom had my brother and me almost 13 years apart.  My oldest sister is almost 7 years younger than me. Most of my friends had their kids spread out.  Ella will be 22 months old when James is born.

I guess my most difficult thing to process is that I wish I had more time with Ella before James gets here.  I wish I could have seen her grow up a little more.  However, Jay and I met and got married in our late 20's, and I want to have all our childbearing out of the way before I turn 35 because I don't want to worry about the medical complications that tend to come at that age.  So, we had our kids closer together.

All I know is that IF we decide to have a 3rd child, it will be when Ella and James are a couple of years older.  James will have to be 2 BEFORE we even consider trying again.  I just am not sure I can do this whole pregnancy thing again.  Too much anxiety, and way too taxing when you're chasing a toddler around.

Not to mention the fact that Jay found out he's probably getting deployed next fall.  So, I'm going to be here with an almost 3 year old, an almost 1 year old, 2 dogs and a cat for 7 months by myself.  I don't blame him.  He can't do anything about it.  It's just really hard to process right now.  Jay's going to miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, James's first birthday, Ella's birthday and our anniversary.  Kind of sucks.  Oh, well.  Not a whole lot I can do about it, and I'm trying not to think about it.  At least he'll be on a ship for 7 months and out of harm's way for the most part.  This will be our first deployment.  We've been together 4 years now.  Craziness.

Anyway.  Sorry for the long vent post today.  Just having one of those days.  :)