Day 3 Down...a whole lot more to go.

Well, today is over. Thank goodness. I am so happy to have been able to talk to Jay more on Facebook today. It is nice to get to chat. After the amazing 30-minute phone conversation yesterday, I feel like I can get through this. It is so amazing to be able to communicate with him again. I think I can finally get around to doing housework again instead of moping around the house. With that said, I have painting I want to start. Since we're taking up the carpet, I'm not really worried about getting paint on the carp. Makes it easier. Just have to figure out what color I want and go with it. Waiting on my flooring samples to come in so I can decide which one I want for our new floors. Thankfully, already found the rug we wanted. Hoping it works as well with the new floors as it did with the old one. Thinking about talking to my OB about help with my anxiety and sleep issues since Jay's been gone if it doesn't get better. I just can't sleep. I have been running on 5 hours of sleep these past 2 days. I can't seem to go to sleep until almost 2 am, and then I wake up at like 7. It kind of sucks. You know, I do whine a bit about this deployment. I get that. However, I am very in love with my wonderful husband. I am so blessed to have him by my side as my mate, best friend, husband, and father of my children. I promised "for better or for worse." So, I'm going to do my very best to get through this without making it difficult for my husband. I love that man with all my heart. This is just a temporary situation. Sucky, crappy, temporary situation. Hope everyone else has a great day. I plan on taking some Benedryl for my itching. Praying it's not the beginning of Cholestasis again. Maybe it will help me sleep.

Deployment Sucks

Jay left yesterday for his 8-12 month deployment to Afghanistan. I never thought it would be so hard to let him go. I truly feel as if I have been torn in half. I barely slept last night. I stayed up until I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Then, I woke up only 5 and a half hours later...well before the kids did.

Ella keeps asking for her daddy. Wondering when he's coming home. Asking if he'll be home soon. I can't answer her without crying. She keeps playing the book he recorded for her...and her Daddy Doll. Hearing his voice is so painful, and yet, I don't want to stop hearing it.

The hardest part is the lack of communication and information. Any other time he has been gone, we were able to talk every night. I got about 10 minutes on FB with him last night before he had to board his flight. Praying he is safe and well.

I just miss him so much. I haven't been able to stop crying. I feel like a horrible mother since I can't hold it together for my kids. The pregnancy hormones make it that much worse.

Praying this pregnancy flies by so can see him again for a couple of weeks.

Now...where is my Tylenol for this stress/exhaustion/dehydration headache?

Best of Times

Just got a call from the OB nurse. My ultrasound measured 5 weeks and 5 days...not 5 weeks. My beta HCG levels are super high at 45,510! Right where they should be for a 6 week pregnancy. The doc is so pleased with the numbers that I don't have to have them repeated! I just have to have my ultrasound on 1/3! Talk about a Christmas miracle!! I am so happy right now!! Now...to find out my new due date.

Worst Day Ever

I've been holding out on you.

I found out we were expecting baby #3 on 11/29. Talk about a shock to both of us! So, I am supposed to be about 7 weeks today. I called the doc because I had been having symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy. They told me to come in for an ultrasound. Good news, no tubal pregnancy. Bad news, there is no baby showing up. Apparently, there is a sac, but I'm measuring about 5 weeks pregnant instead of 7 weeks. They are concerned about a miscarriage. They did bloodwork today, and I have to go back on Thursday for more bloodwork. Plus, if I don't obviously miscarry over Christmas, I have to return on January 3 for another ultrasound to see if the baby is growing. Other issue is, I have 2 rather large cysts on my right ovary, but they can't do anything about them since I'm pregnant as it would definitely cause a miscarriage.

I am devastated. As surprising as this pregnancy was, we had finally gotten used to the idea of having a 3rd baby. Even if Jay was going to be deployed for the duration of the pregnancy. I can't stop crying. Everyone is telling me to trust in God, and that God has it under control...but that is not really what I want to hear right now. It's not very comforting.

Anyway. There it is. We were supposed to announce it over Christmas. We even had a cute little idea for it. Looks like we won't be, now.

Jay is on his way home from work. I'm going to put the other 2 to bed for a nap. I just can't get my brain to stop. :( I feel so....helpless.

The Time Has Come!

Halloween just past, and my little diva princess hasn't quite dropped her costume persona. lol This was Ella's first year trick or treating, and she was so excited to go out with Daddy. :) Kid loaded up!!

Now, it's time for me to get Ella all packed and ready for her trip to Mee-Maw's. Mom is coming tomorrow to watch the kids while we go to the Marine Corps Ball, and then she is taking Ella to stay with her until Friday! I am so not ready! lol Been putting it out of my mind for a while. I know she's going to have a lot of fun, but I am still a little sad. Oh, well. :)

I'm having to figure out what to do with Moxy. She's sick again and not getting any better. Its an endless cycle of antibiotics. Just as soon as we get her well again, she gets sick again. She stinks. Her hair is falling out. She is itchy. She can't stop shaking her head. She is losing weight. This is horrible. She can't be happy like this. Her hair is back to looking gross and sickly. She was so beautiful just a month ago. :( Jay is getting frustrated with all the vet expenses. I'm doing the very best I can on the holistic end to help her to save money, but nothing is working. I have to wonder if there is a deeper issue. We thought it was the erlichiosis, which we took care of. So, does she have something else compromising her immune system? Cancer maybe? I don't know. It's so frustrating. I don't want to send her to a rescue or put her down, but we just can't afford the constant vet bills. No one expects to have to pay so much for a dog. In the end, it's a dog. There is only so much you can do. Crow is never sick like this. Ever. Never had to take him or the cat to the vet for anything. So, I'm not sure what to make of it. All I know is my house stinks. No amount of cleaning gets rid of the smell. We now have to replace our carpet with hardwoods because of the Moxy smell and grime. And we need new furniture because it all smells like dog. Never had that problem before her. Our room needs constant airing out. It's disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. I can't even let James play on the floor for all the grime and such. He's allergic to Moxy's dander, and his eczema flairs up pretty bad. So, what do I do?

Anywho. Happy Friday, all!

Evil Kitty - Free to Good Home

OMG! I just walked past my daughter's bedroom and smelled a strong odor of cat pee. Since her room is across from where his litterbox is located, I thought it was the box...until I found a pile of cat poop on her bed, and a GIGANTIC WET SPOT in the middle of the bed under the covers. Now, she has not even messed with the cat this morning. So, the asshole decided to pee on her bed for no reason! He's been humping the little dog lately, even though they are both neutered. I have no clue what's going on, but I am beyond livid. Thankfully, the pee didn't go further than the washable items. So, I sprayed everything down with Nature's Miracle and tossed them in the wash on the "Whitest whites" cycle. It washes twice with hot water and rinses 3 times. Praying it can be salvaged. He's NEVER done this before. Ever!!! I know it's a bit drastic, but if this is how he's going to be, then he can go live elsewhere. We've been super good to that cat in the 5 years we've had him, and he's been good to us for the most part. I just don't understand why he did this. And it's not like a UTI. He hasn't had any symptoms of that except this. He's never pee outside of his litterbox or anything. I am so upset right now. He's the first pet we got together. I don't want to get rid of him, but if he is going to act like this, I don't want him around.

Other than that, I'm just planning the menu for Jay's going away party in January. Going to make some dips, stuff for small sandwiches, cookies, brownies, and a cake. :) Fun times. Just wish it was for a homecoming party and not a going away party. Definitely going to miss him. Hoping the 8 months he'll be gone will fly by.

Ugh. Waiting on the sheets to get done so I can survey the damage and determine if we need new sheets for my daughter's bed. Yippee.

Time to Play Catch Up...Again

I am so sorry that I haven't been posting regularly. No excuses or reasons. I'm just lazy, and ADD, and I forgot.

I went to the surgeon on the 12th. He was pushing 80, had a hunchback, and could barely hear. And he walked with a slow, shuffling gait. I wasn't impressed. Basically, he said he couldn't figure out why the hospital referred me to him as he didn't see anything wrong with my gallbladder. Not sure if it was age-related vision problems, or genuinely nothing wrong. He wanted to run more tests and send me to a gastroenterologist. I declined. I'm not having anymore symptoms, so nothing would really show up on the tests anyway. Been down that road. Besides, do I really want an 80-year old surgeon cutting me open? That's a scary thought. No offense to anyone in their 70's, but there comes a time when you should put down a scalpel and stick to the administrative side of things. Yes, I just made some ageist remarks, but I don't care. The fact of the matter is that your brain just doesn't function at the speed as the rest of your body, or as it used to for that matter, the older you get. And when it comes to life and death situations, I'd rather have a younger, quicker doctor working on me. Just saying.

Finally got Ella's costume put together. She is going as a fairy for Halloween this year. Mom was sweet enough to send me some cute clothes for the kids, and among them was a set of black PJ's for James with a glow-in-the-dark skeleton body on them. So, he's going as a skeleton. lol It works.

The Marine Corps Ball is coming up, and I have to find a dress. I haven't gone since the year before I got pregnant with Ella. Wow. Mom is watching the kids, and then she is taking Ella to stay with her for about a week. This is the first time she's going to be gone from me for anything length of time. I'm kind of, ok more than a little nervous. I need the break, though. So, this should be a good thing. :)

Found out Jay's deployment is now going to be about 8 months. Trying not to think about it. Its really overwhelming, though. I love him. Can't stand being away from him. It's not just having the kids by myself. I can do that. He's my soulmate, though. So, I worry about him. A lot. I worry about his blood pressure and make sure it's always under control. I worry about his safety being over there with all that's going on. I just want him to be home, and be safe. You know what's more frustrating? He's got this degree in criminal justice and has talked about working for a police department when he retires. Not sure I could take the stress. He says its a last resort. I really hope he finds something else. I really do.

This is a mindless rambling post. I am in a bit of pain at the moment. My neck has been hurting for a month, and now my shoulder and back are following suit. Tried heat, ibuprofen, pain meds, new pillow, stretching, massage....nothing has helped. It just hurts. Had a migraine/tension headache combo a few days ago. Think it was brought on from the neck pain. That was pretty darn miserable. Haven't had one like that in a long while.

Anyway. I do hope everyone else is doing well. :) I'm going to go spend some time with the kiddos while they are still young. :) James is pulling up and getting into everything. Ella's as clumsy as every and running into stuff all the time. I think it's because she's not looking where she's going. She's so smart, though. Knows the alphabet song now. She can count 1-10. She knows her left from her right. She knows the sounds most letters make. Its amazing to see her learning something new on a daily basis. :)