Worst Day Ever

I've been holding out on you.

I found out we were expecting baby #3 on 11/29. Talk about a shock to both of us! So, I am supposed to be about 7 weeks today. I called the doc because I had been having symptoms of an ectopic pregnancy. They told me to come in for an ultrasound. Good news, no tubal pregnancy. Bad news, there is no baby showing up. Apparently, there is a sac, but I'm measuring about 5 weeks pregnant instead of 7 weeks. They are concerned about a miscarriage. They did bloodwork today, and I have to go back on Thursday for more bloodwork. Plus, if I don't obviously miscarry over Christmas, I have to return on January 3 for another ultrasound to see if the baby is growing. Other issue is, I have 2 rather large cysts on my right ovary, but they can't do anything about them since I'm pregnant as it would definitely cause a miscarriage.

I am devastated. As surprising as this pregnancy was, we had finally gotten used to the idea of having a 3rd baby. Even if Jay was going to be deployed for the duration of the pregnancy. I can't stop crying. Everyone is telling me to trust in God, and that God has it under control...but that is not really what I want to hear right now. It's not very comforting.

Anyway. There it is. We were supposed to announce it over Christmas. We even had a cute little idea for it. Looks like we won't be, now.

Jay is on his way home from work. I'm going to put the other 2 to bed for a nap. I just can't get my brain to stop. :( I feel so....helpless.